Fed Hall Song
(Meaning Of Life Universe Song)Just remember that you're standing On a campus that's expanding And is growing by a building every year. It's second home to 13,000 scholars and their dollars Mostly go towards the purchasing of beer. The profs and you and me And all the students you can see Voted me to get a pub without a catch. But with the plans selected Adding doors had been neglected, And so the architects must start from scratch. The hall is nicer yet Than the 'Loo or Coronet And certainly less tacky than the Kent For dancing space the hall Will make the Motor Inn look small And best of all we will not pay a cent of rent. The area was scanned To find the perfect piece of land; I suggested north of U. of Waterloo. But then Administration Built a rink on my location. Surprise, surprise - you pay for that one too. Your Federation Hall Will be completed in the fall, That's September 7th, 1994. Let me make all decisions, Choose the architect's revisions. The budget's set, we can't afford the floor. The students will adore it You've already voted for it You support it but the soil structure won't. And so your mezzanine Will be the best you've ever seen, Or maybe not, well now you see it, now you don't. [ Top ] [ Index ]
Putting On A Show
(Singin' In The Rain)We're putting on a show Just putting on a show What a glorious feel.... [ Top ] [ Index ]
I Would Travel
(If I Only Had)I would travel any vector Or sleep with the director To get a part in FASS. I would sing the songs in showers Memorize my lines for hours If I had a part in FASS. [ Top ] [ Index ]
FASS
(Hair)DIR: She asked me why I'm such a harried guy I'm harried noon and night FASS is my plight I'm in a theatre show Don't ask me why -- ALL: Don't know. DIR: It's not for lack of work I must be a jerk. SOLO1: Please sir, ALL: Give me a part in FASS, Any part in FASS Bit part, silent, Speakin' singin' dancin' SOLO2: Gimme a role with class -- ALL: FASS! SOLO2: Half a page or longer GRP-A: Here laughter! GRP-B: There singing! ALL: Everywhere entertainment! SOLOS: FASS! GRP-A: FASS, FASS, FASS, GRP-B: FASS, FASS, FASS. ALL: Lectures, midterms, Nothing matters once I'm in FASS ALL: You've got me down on my knees And I'm caught in a squeeze I'm beggin' you please Give me FASS. I'll pay all my fees, I'll learn my soliloquys, I sing on key, so please pick me. For singin', actin', backstage work in FASS! GRP-A: FASS, FASS, FASS, GRP-B: FASS, FASS, FASS. ALL: Lectures, midterms, Nothing matters once I'm in FASS. ALL: I'll make it fast, slow, Hairy, scary, shifty, nifty, Punny, funny, silly, Dicey, spicy, dancing, Moving, grooving, energetic, Comic, gastronomic, Drastic, plastic, spastic, Witty, pretty, prehistoric, Plotless, thoughtless, Spotless, sophomoric! TECH: Oh say, can you see All the cast? If you can Then our lights too bright ALL: Bring them down, Down to here, down to there, Down to where it gets very dark Doodle loo doo doo, doodle loo doo doo Doodle loo doo doo, doodle loo doo doo All my lines I will be botching, And my parents will be watching, My friends will laugh at me as I miss all of my lines. An audience before me Hallejujah, they adore me Hallejujah, now I'm in the show Why isn't FASS on Broadway? SOLOS: FASS! GRP-A: FASS, FASS, FASS, GRP-B: FASS, FASS, FASS. ALL: Lectures, midterms, Nothing matters once I'm in FASS. GRP-A: FASS, FASS, FASS, GRP-B: FASS, FASS, FASS. ALL: FASS! [ Top ] [ Index ]
Costa Living
(One Way Or Another)Here in Costa Living-- on the ocean There's lots of beaches beaches beaches beaches Come on a safari-- in the jungle And you'll see creatures creatures creatures creatures Then go to our farms and-- our plantations Where they grow peaches peaches peaches peaches Life is so much fun here Gaze at the ocean so clear While drinking cheap beer People are so happy-- and contented And life is pleasant pleasant pleasant pleasant All day work the fields and-- earn two dollars If you're a peasant peasant peasant peasant But if you own land and-- you are wealthy Then you eat pheasant pheasant pheasant pheasant This is a true paradise Come here where everything's nice Except for the lice [ Top ] [ Index ]
I Got Flu, Babe
(I Got You, Babe)SUNNY: You say I'm sick and I'm not well FAIR: And that contagion's shot our love to hell SUNNY: Well I guess I know that all that's true But you've got me, and me, I've got the flu... FAIR: Babe, you've got flu, babe... SUNNY: Yes, the flu, babe... [ Top ] [ Index ]
Raw-nold Ray-gan!
(New York, New York)Start testing the cruise, Start laying the plans, It's time to re-elect the man, Raw-nold Ray-gan! Keep piling up arms, Destruction for all, He is a great Republican, Raw-nold Ray-gan! CHORUS: He wants to govern in a country reduced to ash! At a loss of thousands of years, Millions of lives, Billions in cash! Keep nuking those Reds! Wherever they are! He's going to put an end to them, Raw-nold Ray-gan! FINALE: If we're to be the best, We've got to nuke the rest, We've got the man, Raw-nold Ray-gan! [ Top ] [ Index ]
Burger King
(Burger King)We don't let McDonald's get us Quarter Pounders don't upset us They use polyester lettuce Some people say Have it your way Have it your way Have it your way at Burger King Have it your way Have it your way Have it your way at Burger King [ Top ] [ Index ]
This Gland Is Your Gland
(This Land Is Your Land)This gland is your gland, this gland is my gland We'll take your skin too, because it's sun tanned. [ Top ] [ Index ]
Monty's Duet
(Various Tunes)MONTY: I'm a testament to failing mental health, When I woke up today, I wasn't just myself. PUPPET: You bet -- I'm here to stay! MONTY: You're the outcome of a mental overload You're an entire psychotic episode. Let's face it, it's true: I'm just crazy about you. MONTY: Care to dance? PUPPET: Love to. (MONTY AND PUPPET DO SOFT-SHOE TO THE TUNE OF TEA FOR TWO) MONTY: Time PUPPET: (Time) MONTY: af- PUPPET: (af-) MONTY: ter PUPPET: (ter) MONTY: time, MONTY: I'm PUPPET: (I'm) MONTY: of PUPPET: (of) MONTY: two PUPPET: (two) MONTY: minds PUPPET: Anything you can do, I can do better I can do anything better than you MONTY: No you can't PUPPET: Yes, I can MONTY: No you can't PUPPET: Yes I can MONTY: No you can't PUPPET: Yes, I can (TANGO RIFF) MONTY: Why are you so overbearing and competitive? PUPPET: I'm number two, so I try harder. MONTY: I was lonely PUPPET: (He was lonely) MONTY: Now I'm never alone. I'm going to get a party line for my telephone. I believe you're more than just a toy And frankly, I'm beside myself, I'm just beside myself, Siegfried, I'm beside myself with joy. [ Top ] [ Index ]
Docilenol
(Memory)Each night I stare into the blue light And I witness a strange sight That creeps into my home With its glamour, this vision casts me under a spell And a voice begins to drone Memorex Is it live? Is it Memorex? I've developed a complex I'm unable to choose I remember the time I had the power to decide Now I'm easy to confuse Each ad tells me different things It's left me in a quandary I never knew that I could have such trouble Just doing my bloody laundry Teach me It's so easy to lead me When this pill that you feed me Takes my freedom of choice If you tell us exactly what you'd like us to buy We'll answer with one voice [ Top ] [ Index ]
Gentlemen Prefer Pain
(Gentlemen Prefer Haines)When your sex life is a loss Show your lover who's the boss Gentlemen prefer pain. When the hot tub seems old hat Discipline him with a bat: Gentlemen prefer pain. You can dominate your husband, Bind and gag him Whips and leather high-heeled shoes Give your man the black-and-blues Gentlemen prefer pain. [ Top ] [ Index ]
Blow Up Big Mother With The Bomb
(Up The Ladder To The Roof)Can't you see Can't you see That we must turn around and fight Now we have seen the light Oh-oh-oh Why not try and guide her A better time A brighter day Don't be afraid to blow up Big Mother with the bomb So we can be free from our masters Blow up Big Mother with the bomb So we can be living in freedom Today's the day Now's the time To throw computers from our lives Restore our basic rights Oh-oh-oh Tyrrany Shall cease to be Gonna do something for the cause We're gonna throw our chains away Take a chance and blow up Big Mother with the bomb So we can be free from our masters Blow up Big Mother with the bomb So we can be living in freedom Stomp her! Kill her! Waste her! Blow Big Mother to heaven Blow Big Mother to heaven Blow Big Mother to heaven [ Top ] [ Index ]
Grenayda/Grenahda
(Let's Call The Whole Thing Off)ELVIRA: I say Grenayda and you say Grenahda MARY: I say Bahaymas and you say Bahahmas ELVIRA: Grenayda MARY: Grenahda ELVIRA: Bahaymas MARY: Bahahmas ALL: Let's call the whole thing off. [ Top ] [ Index ]
Power To The People
(Consider Yourself)Consider yourself set free. Consider yourself not under tyranny. We've taken complete control, And healthy food is our only goal. We've taken away junk food. We've given you kelp and multivitamins. We want you to all eat right, And get eight hours of sleep each night. And if you take a bucket full of niacin, Add some thiamin, and stir, Then you add a pinch of citrate-bufferred iodine, It will make you gag for sure. We're doing it all for you, There's no need to swear or cuss, And if an all-granola menu suits your taste, Consider yourself one of us. [ Top ] [ Index ]
In The Subway
(Feelin' Groovy)Watch out, the mugger's slick He gonna cut you to the quick Lose your guts and leave you lay Life ain't easy in the subway. Blood is spurting, heads are rolling Deathwatch beetles come a-strolling Rigor mortis and decay It's just what happens in the subway. [ Top ] [ Index ]
Our Plot
(Captain of the Queen's Navy)MONTY: Once I was the man who ruled this land And ruled it all with an iron hand I drugged your junk food by the ton And then I was evicted by a re-bell-yun PUPPETS: The people who ate health food had a re-bell-yun MONTY: While I was off in a foreign land, The health food people hatched a fiendish plan. But their regime wasn't too much fun, So I became the leader of a rebell-yun. PUPPETS: So the peasants wanted aiding Food was all bio-degrading, And he came to lead the peasants In their re-bell-yun [ Top ] [ Index ]
Another Fruitcake
(Don't Cry For Me, Argentina)SERGEANT: It won't be easy, you'll think it strange When I try to explain to you all How a lowly drill sergeant could foil all your plans You won't believe me You'll grill me to find out my partners in fraud But I'll gladly meet death face to face In front of a firing squad. I had to help the rebels, I had to fight Couldn't stay all my life at your heels Watching all of my countrymen die by your hands So I chose freedom Dreaming the day your regime's overthrown But I can't share the blame for my crimes I acted entirely alone. VICTORIA: Don't lie for me, Sergeant Tina, The truth is, we worked together Though we were comrades in the resistance To avoid suspicion we kept our distance. And while we're on the subject, I have to say I've never known any so brave And I've fallen in love with you head over heels SERGEANT: My dear Victoria My feelings for you are exactly the same I dream of your kiss all the time. (SOBBING) I love you and I'm thrilled you love me. VICTORIA: Don't cry for me, Sergeant Tina, If we must die, we die together The grand finales of all creation Shall never rival our consummation Have I said too much? There's nothing more I can think of to say to you. BOTH: But all you have to do is look at us to know That our love is true. [ Top ] [ Index ]
Backsliding Anthem
(Tomorrow)MONTY: The gun will come out tomorrow PETTY & CO: We'll be back in business by tomorrow, don't be glum COMM. UNLTD.: We won't do without, tomorrow We won't have to beg and scrounge and borrow like we're scum REBELS: If the government tries more lies and tyranny We can say go to hell And rebel Again ALL: The fun will come out tomorrow We'll go back to causing pain and sorrow and dismay Tomorrow, tomorrow, we'll backslide tomorrow And it's only a day away. [ Top ] [ Index ]
Resolution
(Revolution)You say you want a resolution Well you know We all want to end the play You say that there's no real solution Well you know There is truth in what you say But if you want meaning and purpose, a touch of class, Brother, you shouldn't have ever come out to FASS. [ Top ] [ Index ]
FASSDance
(What A Feeling)First he was nothing but a guy with a dream To be loved by the one who had captured his heart All alone Reggie planned to secure Vicki's hand And to show he's a hunk made of steel What a hero! Used to be zero! In the violent fray now his life means so much more He is smashin' and heads he's bashin' He can hack and slay like a maniac on the floor (He's a maniac, maniac on the floor And he's fightin' like he's never fought before) Now Reggie has pride, he's a champion inside Oh in FASS anyone can get lucky like him What a hero! (Reggie's cuter now) Not a zero! (Not a neuter now) Now he's come alive and he's fightin' for his life He is smashin' (Not a relic now) Heads he's bashin' (A Tom Selleck now) He's a superman unless cut off by a knife What a hero... [ Top ] [ Index ]
CIA Song
(Union Label)So look for the covert agent When you are touring a small foreign land Remember somewhere, someone is spying-- [ Top ] [ Index ]
Fun
(Tomorrow)The fun will come out tomorrow And erase the memory of sorrow from today Tomorrow, tomorrow, elation tomorrow It's only a day awimbaway Awimbaway, awimbaway, awimbaway Awimbaway, awimbaway, awimbaway, awimbaway [ Top ] [ Index ]
More
(Sweet Georgia Brown)Nothing to look forward to but FASS '85. Nothing lights our appetites like FASS '85. More laughs, more songs However will we get along Until the thrill that gives us chills, That's FASS '85. Ba da-ba-ba ba-ba-ba Ba-ba-ba ba-da-ba Ba ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba Ba-ba-ba ba-da-ba [ Top ] [ Index ]
More
(In The Jungle)Bring the lights down and drop the curtain On 1984 We've been better, but we've been worse than In 1984. We'll keep trying till we get it right. We'll expect you here one year tonight. Here's the ending, the big FASS ending The hero gets the girl In the ending like all FASS endings We've overthrown the world. We've been waiting for Act II Scene 5 We'll be back in 1985. The closing song, the closing song, The closing song, the closing song... [ Top ] [ Index ]