Make A Date With FASS 88
(Jack Cooper's Original #1)From the Gods above To the earth below Comes a tale of love Comes a tale of woe An epic tale of "Man-meets-Mate" In the FASS show eighty-eight Come and watch the folks Down in Waterloo All the guys are geeks And the gals are few Romance won't be left to fate In the FASS show eighty-eight All the movie screens show countless scenes of love and romance Where the hero always wins out in the end But the lights come up and interrupt your fantasy land You discover that it's all just pretend If you're all alone On a Friday night No one left to phone No one else in sight Come on out and make a date With the FASS show eighty-eight Ever since the world began Men and women have searched for love in vain Even Adam and Eve found it hard to conceive That in the future they would raise cain Time has changed the way we look But the things that we want are still the same Some people want money Some wanna be funny But we all want to win the dating game, so Let the show begin Let the plot advance Let the spell of FASS Put you in a trance GEEK CHORUS: Maybe we will find a date In the FASS show eighty-eight... ALL: Come on out and make a date With the FASS show eighty-eight [ Top ] [ Index ]
We Build The ICR
(We Sail The Ocean Blue)This is called the ICR Or to some, the Billy Building It may look a bit bizarre Covered in green glass and gilding There's not enough money for the model they chose So we'll pour a concrete floor And when they ask where the wiring goes We'll tear it up as before Oh joy, oh joy, we haven't finished yet Oh boy, oh boy, we hope we don't forget To include a functional front door So we build the ICR And for this they pay us money Though we love the smell of tar It is not all milk and honey Who cares if it looks like a Faraday cage Or a Via Rail express train We work one hour for a full day's wage And cannot endure the strain This hectic pace we must sustain Now we live our lives in fear For the structure is unstable So we should get out of here Or we soon will be unable But though the thing's no beauty We won't forsake our duty We earn our monthly booty from the ICR [ Top ] [ Index ]
Barbarity
(Lydia The Tattooed Lady)COPS: La-la-laaa! La-la-laaa! La-la-laaa! La-la-laaa! MAC: Brutality, brutality To young criminality Brutality's our moral duty Laws were fashioned to protect them Beat their heads till they respect them Cruelty, insanity Outright inhumanity Is surely what young people need With hippies and communists never abjure For moral disease is much worse than the cure And beat yourselves once every day to be sure You do not yourselves turn criminal! COPS: La-la-laaa! La-la-laaa! La-la-laaa! La-la-laaa! MAC: Barbarity, barbarity Outrageous severity Barbarity will never fail you Don't look down on the defenseless Close your eyes and club them senseless Violence, malevolence And sickening decadence Have made me what I am today Send perverts and radicals straight to the chair Feminists, punkers, and men with long hair And anyone else in this country who'd dare To support the use of violence MAC: Sing barbarity -- COPS: Sing barbarity! Sweet barbarity -- Sweet barbarity! That's right! [ Top ] [ Index ]
Somewhere
(Somewhere)HIM: There's a girl for me Somewhere a girl for me Charming and beautiful Fair of face Moves with style and grace HER: There's a boy for me Somewhere a boy for me Handsome and elegant Never spits Has no fetishes Has no zits BOTH: Someday! Somewhere! I'll find a way to be normal And go to the grad semi-formal Someday Way out there I see Someone who'll care for me Someone, someday, who'll take my hand Someone pe-erfect Someone grand HIM: Some girl! HER: Some boy! BOTH: Somewhere! [ Top ] [ Index ]
We'll Dine Out Together
(Happy Together)MAXIE: I'll find a hapless soul, and sap his life You feast upon the girl next door, my lovely wife But human flesh is hard to chew, so bring a knife We'll dine out together GLEEP: We'll cook Niagara Falls for our honeymoon The screams of pain will harmonize a lovely tune You'll want to take in every drop, so use a spoon We'll dine out together MAXIE: Take a herd of humans, collect all the blood that you can drain Add some sparkling water, and you've got a flood of pink champagne GLEEP: And when we get a visit from the stork I'll raise a toast to happiness, you pop the cork Each hungry tot provided with a little fork We'll dine out together BOTH: Ba ba ba ba etc. [ Top ] [ Index ]
Bittersweet Love
(To A Wild Rose)CHORUS: Magical, wonderful, terrible obsession Marvelous, hopeless, bittersweet love. When I saw her face my world became enchanted My soul's deepest wish would finally be granted If she were mi-ine (CHORUS) But ere it began our love it was blighted Fate has intervened we cannot be united My heart is filled with pain for I love in vain. (CHORUS) [ Top ] [ Index ]
Everyone Looks Crazy To Me
(I'm Crazy 'Bout My Baby)They won't have a prayer Picture rats in a maze with no cheese It may be unfair But I'll record all their deviancies Such a talented researcher All my colleagues will agree I am studying behaviour Everyone looks crazy to me When the student lives are messed up They'll need psychotherapy I can supplement my NSERC With a huge consulting fee Get that Nobel Prize out Meant for someone else The committee's crazy So I'll award it to myself I'll be hailed as our new saviour King of kook psychology I am studying behavior And you all look crazy to me [ Top ] [ Index ]
I'm Glad You're Mine
(A Job Well Done)AVERY: I'm yours SYLVIA: I'm yours You're mine You're mine AVERY: Together we're the perfect couple SYLVIA: I'm yours AVERY: I'm yours You're mine You're mine SYLVIA: We're twice the fun and half the trouble AVERY: I'm yours SYLVIA: I'm yours You're mine You're mine AVERY: Though people think they're seeing double SYLVIA: And that is why I'm glad to say you're mine AVERY: I'm glad you're mine [ Top ] [ Index ]
It's Just Two Dates
(A Job Well Done)SYLVIA: You're hers AVERY: I'm hers I'm his You're his SYLVIA: Our plans are turning topsy-turvy AVERY: You're his SYLVIA: I'm his I'm hers You're hers AVERY: She lacks your form so soft and curvy SYLVIA: You're hers AVERY: I'm hers I'm his You're his SYLVIA: One date with him will give me scurvy AVERY: But if we must, I know it's just two dates SYLVIA: It's just two dates [ Top ] [ Index ]
Darn Right
(Quintet)VOLUNTEERS: The CUPID matchings have been done, it works The game is over and we've won, you jerks Irrational decisions fall flat So digital precision is now where it's at! PROTESTERS: You keeners think that you have won, no way This fight has only just begun, today You haven't found perfection, surprise! Your logical selection's someone you despise. TOM: Darn right! VOLUNTEERS: We're gonna standardize love, We're gonna spruce it up and you're gonna pay PROTESTERS: We'll fight for old-fashioned love You're gonna realize that it's the best way. VOLUNTEERS: Well, CUPID's modern! PROTESTERS: Well, CUPID's useless! BOTH: And now it's time to end this once and for all Darn right! NORTON: Penny's going to be my date, RALPH: It's set. These CUPID matchings turned out great. You bet. BOTH: We're terrible romantics, real hicks But electronic antics, Have gotten us chicks. BELLA: In love, in love, I finally fell in love, I see you through a pink tinted mist ED: That may be true But my advice to you Is to contact an optometrist TERRY: My love, to think that just this morning SANDY: I thought that you were lazy I thought you were a schmoo. BOTH: Sweet cakes, num-nums I want to tell the world I love you! BELLA: In love, in love VOLUNTEERS: We're giving love new panache, right! BELLA: I finally fell in love PROTESTERS: But you are using our cash. TOM: Right! BELLA: I see you through a pink tinted mist PROTESTERS: CU-PID sucks! CU-PID sucks! R & N: We're gonna meet us some girls, right! ED: That may be true VOLUNTEERS: We're gonna standardize love. ED: But my advice to you PROTESTERS: We'll fight for old-fashioned love. ED: Is to contact an optometrist E & H: We're gonna get laid at last. TERRY: My love, VOLUNTEERS: Up with CUPID! TERRY: To think that just this morning PROTESTERS: Down with CUPID! TERRY: I thought that you were lazy VOLUNTEERS: CUPID's modern! SANDY: I thought you were a schmoo. PROTESTERS: CUPID's useless! VOLUNTEERS: To end it once and for all PROTESTERS: To end it once and for all BOTH: Sweet cakes, num-nums VOLUNTEERS: The game is over and we've won BOTH: I want to tell the world PROTESTERS: The fight has only just begun BOTH: I love you! ALL: We're gonna fight for our love ALL: Darn right! [ Top ] [ Index ]
We Built The ICR
(We Sail The Ocean Blue)So we built the ICR That's the reason we were hired And we built the thing so well We were consequently fired But though we have no duty We still get monthly booty We know a (INDICATING SIBYL) certain cutie at the UIC [ Top ] [ Index ]
The Perfect Job
(Somewhere Out There)Somewhere out there There's a job for me Tailored to the skills gained From a three-year arts degree Someone out there Reads my resume Fooled into believing I am worth a decent pay And even though I know I fall apart at interviews It helps to think that they will work to death the ones they choose And when I find my perfect job, I'll thumb my nose at them It helps to know I'll never have to work for IBM! Somewhere out there Employers wait for you Someday you will find them Somewhere out there Out where dreams come true [ Top ] [ Index ]
Last Call at Fed Hall
(Floor Show/Don't Dream It)LASZLO: It was great when it all began I was a regular CUPID fan But then Goldstein devised a plan And so my friends, you all got the can Now your one solitary chance Is to ruin the Alumni dance Take the bull by the horns, You may never have this chance again. T & S: Our romance is just hours old You are beautiful to behold And nobody needs to be told Our libidos cannot be controlled Now our friends only feel disgust At the way we're givin' into lust Take the bull by the horns, We may never have this chance again. GABRIEL: No more brandy, help me Sandy You guys are so bloody randy, you give me such a pain [Hic! Burp!], 'scuse me, I feel woozy What's come over me? Whoa, here it comes again! CATHERINE: I feel released, my days of slavery have ceased My confidence has increased, now I've got control A storm is brewin', I'll tell you what we're doin' The administration's ruin, That is our only goal! LASZLO: It's last call, at Fed Hall (X 2) ALL: It's last call, at Fed Hall (REPEAT) GOLDSTEIN: Ah, we've got to abandon this plot Before it brings us all to defeat If we act like a mob, we won't get back our jobs We will all be left to rot And be forced to work at the high school down the street. GABRIEL: No more brandy, help me Sandy CATHERINE: Let's get the hell out of here. [ Top ] [ Index ]
Steal A Kiss From Me
(Come Go With Me)ALL BUT RHODA: Dum dum dum dum dum, Boys are really dumb dum dum dum dum, Boys are really dumb dum dum dum dum, Boys are really dumb, woh-oh-oh-oh-oh. (REPEAT) RHODA: Well, I like your brother Think he's really sweet There's nobody else I would rather meet So if I asked him Would he dance with me? PHOEBE: Girl, you're crazy Come on, use your head Boys are trouble From A to Z If you're smart then You will listen to me. BARBARA: Sure, they may be clever Promise you forever A lifetime of romance But the next minute Before you can begin it They wanna get in your pants. YVONNE: Strong broad shoulders Eyes that smile at me The cutest little buns That you'll ever see If I'm lucky he'll Steal a kiss from me Oh, steal a kiss from me. ALL: No-oh no no-oh. [ Top ] [ Index ]
I'm Glad You're Mine (Reprise)
(A Job Well Done)SID: I'm yours NANCY: I'm yours You're mine You're mine SID: If folks are shocked, fuck, we don't care! NANCY: I'm yours SID: I'm yours You're mine You're mine NANCY: It's total anarchy we'll share! SID: I'm yours NANCY: I'm yours You're mine You're mine SID: We'll dye and spike our baby's hair! NANCY: And that is why I'm glad to say you're mine SID: I'm glad you're mine [ Top ] [ Index ]
I Am Single
(Sixteen Going On Seventeen)I am single, going on twenty I've never had a date Glasses and flood pants Don't make for romance When will I find a mate? Every time I meet a young lady I am afraid to speak I've never tried Cause my tongue is tied Oh, why am I such a geek? I take along the little friend I found in my frosh kit I'd like a chance to try it out But I'm scared it won't fit I want someone willing and eager Showing me what to do There must be a woman to love me Even in Waterloo [ Top ] [ Index ]
Meditate
(Shall We Dance?)If this is what you seek, a life of inner calm You might be wise to turn your eyes to things Confucius said But if someone intrudes and disturbs your peace of mind I would suggest - it might be best - to give a boot to the head. Meditate! You know I'd never harm a tiny fly Meditate! But it's not in my karma to deny That it's great to attack and disarm a passerby As you contemplate your navel Just be damn sure that you save a Little thought for the folks you hate, While you're yinning and you're yanging Keep account of heads you're banging Meditate, meditate, meditate! ALL MARTIAL ARTISTS: Meditate! Keep those thoughts transcendental in your mind Meditate! If your soul's orientally inclined Mutilate! Never acting too gentle or too kind Pay attention to the master Or he'll use your guts for plaster You can put it down to fate, He'll consult the book of changes As your face he rearranges, Meditate, meditate, meditate! [ Top ] [ Index ]
Tomorrow
(Jack Cooper's Original #2)MOLLY: There is gonna be a showdown come tomorrow When the protestors and volunteers arrive BOTH: Tomorrow compassion Will weather the thrashin' MOLLY: Come tomorrow, our spirit will survive. ED: When the fists are flyin' and the blood's a-flowin' I will think of you and I won't be afraid BOTH: Tomorrow the rumble Won't cause us to crumble ED: Come tomorrow, our love will never fade. BOTH: Through the broken bones and carnage we will travel With our hearts a-glow and with our chins held high Tomorrow's collision Won't stifle our vision Come tomorrow, our dreams will never die Never die, never die, never die. [ Top ] [ Index ]
A Dojo Of Our Own
(Somewhere That's Green)A dojo of our own A mat of rice and reeds A group of eager Grasshoppers To tend to all our needs With shuriken and nunchaku We'll practice vi-o-lence In a dojo of our own Where we can fence I clean and grind the swords I love to slice and dice You bring home Bobby Ginzu And I serve him up with rice We live in peaceful harmony Like a book by Pearl S. Buck In a dojo of our own Where we can -- [ Top ] [ Index ]
Goodbye
(Kiss Him Goodbye)Looks like the show's through And though we hate to We gotta bring the curtain down, hear the laughter die Promise us you'll return when we're back here - next year Till then, (Go ahead and tell 'em!) We gotta tell you goodbye, goodbye Whoa, goodbye. You know what we were after Wasn't just your laughter We hope you shared the magic and - saw your spirit fly Keep on believin', baby, and some day - you'll come up and join us On the stage here, (But until you're ready) Thanks for the passion - goodbye Na-na-na-na, hey-ey-ey, goodbye Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na, hey-ey-ey, goodbye. And so because we love you And think the world of you Just the thought of leavin' you tonight - really breaks our hearts Stay just a moment more because our love - is so strong That we wanna, (We would like to kiss you) We just wanna kiss you, ooh! We just wanna kiss you, ooh! We wanna kiss you - goodbye, goodbye Whoa, goodbye Bye, goodbye Whoa, goodbye, bye, bye. Na-ne-na-ne-na-na (Uh!), na-ne-na-ne-na-na (Uh!), Na-ne-na-ne-na-na (Uh!), na-ne-na-ne-na-na (Uh!). ( X 2 ) Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na, hey-ey-ey, goodbye. ( X 4 ) [ Top ] [ Index ]