Waterloo
(Waterloo)TANYA: I got this co-op job, and I thought it would be exciting, It wasn't Microsoft, and they offered me A job with decent pay, But that's what employers all say... FROSH: I'm new in Waterloo. I've finally made it here Oh yeah and I thought I'd never sur-vive grade thirteen, but now This building they call SLC Is the place where I get to be CHORUS: Waterloo Wanted to come here since I was ten Waterloo Bugged Needles Hall so they'd let me in Waterloo I'll make some friends, and go on a date Waterloo Two days 'til classes start, I can't wait Woa-woa-woa Waterloo I get to go here to Waterloo Here, here at Waterloo, they'll give us degrees that we've earned Right here, and I will find a lucrative job when I leave someday At least that is what I've been told But that's not how it will unfold Waterloo Why did we come here, we'll never know Waterloo Stuck here in Southern Ontario Waterloo (They) told me life here would be lots of fun Waterloo Been here a year haven't seen the sun. Woa-woa-woa Waterloo Never will leave U of Waterloo TANYA: In Waterloo I did believe I think I was being naive. CHORUS: Waterloo Why do we come back, we cannot tell Waterloo Is starting to feel very much like Hell Waterloo (REPEAT AND FADE) Waterloo Why do we sing about Waterloo Waterloo never can leave U of Waterloo [ Top ] [ Index ]
Why Must You Fight a Strong Libido
(What Do You Do With a Drunken Sailor)JOAN: Why must you fight a strong libido, Give into your lust, that's my credo, There's nothing wrong with human need-o, When you're feeling lonely That's all there is to it Even the Baptists do it Why don't you just say screw it When you're feeling lonely? CARL: All of my life I've been real horny, Used lots of lines that seemed too corny, I've had my fill of female scorn-ee, When I'm feeling lonely That's all there is to it, Even CS geeks do it. Why can't women just say screw it, When I'm feeling lonely? PENELOPE: Nobody seems to know what love is, Why don't I stop and just say shove this, I know when I've had enough-is, When I'm feeling lonely JOAN: So the two of you might work together, Make each otehr glad in any weather, In a comfy bed or fields of heather, When you're feeling lonely. ALL: That's all there is to it, Even your parents do it. So find a private spot and get right to it, When you're feeling lonely. [ Top ] [ Index ]
Sex and Love
(Up and Down)JOE: I look at you and wonder how to get you alone MILLIE: I look at you and see way too much testosterone JOE: I look at you and get turned on MILLIE: I look at you and get turned off. JOE: I look at you and sing a song about sex and love. JOE: You walk by and I'm undressing you with my eyes MILLIE: You know you stand for everything that I despise JOE: I look at romance as a game. MILLIE: I knew you men were all the same How can you pretend this song's about sex and love. MILLIE: You want to take away what little power we've won. JOE: You come along with rules and ruin all of our fun. C'mon you know you want me bad MILLIE: You're just trying to make me mad I look at you and sing a song about sex and love. [ Top ] [ Index ]
The Rules
(The Preamble to the US Constitution)In 1927 I'm told A romance author set out to deduce A simple list of principles By which novels could be mass produced. Harlequin was just starting out, A whole brand new company And now romance novels are a Money making industry-ee SPOKEN: And they put these principles down on paper and distributed them to hack writers who churned out hundreds of romance novels a year. And any writer who is starving, trying to sell artistically redeeming work, can sell out and use these principles to make big bucks. Romance novels Always must have sexual tension, Predictable plots and lots of steamy love scenes. Dislike between the main pair, That blossoms into true love, and Secures the blessings of domesticity, For the heroine and her unborn progeny. This entertains and establishes an addiction To the genre of romantic fiction. In 1998 I'm told A group of writers all I sat down To write a romance novel That would be read the world around But the only problem was That none of them had a clue. But that's okay, the principles Will tell them just what to do. SPOKEN: And they go something like this: Romance novels Always must have lots of sexual tension Romantic settings and lots of torrid love scenes. The heroine must always be tense And despair of ever marrying. Until the hero comes along And shows her that her thinking is all wrong. This entertains an establishes an addiction To the genre of romantic fiction. [ Top ] [ Index ]
Say Yes
(Process Man)GIDGET: Oh, it's Chris say yes Give Pablo just one chance For what he wants is long term love And not just in your pants. Just say yes.... CHRIS: It's the singe life I like Tell the guys to take a hike I'm sick and tired of all the men Who think that I'm a dyke; And he's been hitting on me Since he came to Waterloo. I've told you no, I just won't go Out on a date with you. BRIAN & GIDGET: So (Chris) date the prince A night out on the town The high-class crowd, the fast-paced life Jet-set and fancy gowns Just say yes.... PABLO: Well, I've changed my way of thinking And I've gotten with the times I've learned about the nineties, And I use no pick-up lines. You've taken all the courses Romance lessons you have learned Your will is strong, but I've chased you long With me you won't get burned. BRIAN & GIDGET: And it's just one date What have you got to lose Another girl would give the world To be walking in your shoes Just say yes.... CHRIS: I can't deny that golden oppurtunities are scarce PABLO: Though our history is rocky I'm a man who really cares CHRIS: For time goes marching on And I should really take this chance PABLO: The flame burns higher, my one desire's To end this courtship dance BRIAN & GIDGET: And you've said yes A choice you won't regret An evening you prince will plan A night you won't forget You've said yes.................... [ Top ] [ Index ]
The Unreliable, Fattening, Inconvenient Birth Control Blues
(Original Music)JOAN: Rolled out of bed this morning, Feeling mighty ill I thought back to early last evening, Realized I forgot my pill, Oooh, what can I do? I've got the unreliable, fattening, inconvenient birth control blues. MARY: Thought I'd try out the rhythm method, Since I'm married and Catholic and all With exams, assignments and timing, I've had sex three times since the fall. Oh, it's not much fun, with nothing to do, About the unreliable, fattening inconvenient birth control blues. (Pope says I gotta) MEG: Went down to the doctor's office, Just to talk about IUDs But he showed me this weird looking gadget, I said, "Don't get that thing near me." Okay, it sucks, but what can you do? We're stuck with the unreliable, fattening, inconvenient, scary birth control blues. ALL 3: So now we are back to the condom It's most people's first choice, you know Protection aside, let's be honest It sure interrupts the flow. Here we are saying to you, That no matter what method you choose You'll get the unreliable, fattening inconvenient birth control blues. SPOKEN: But remember, it sure beats the alternative. [ Top ] [ Index ]
Having a Party
(Surfing Safari)No one reads on reading week, 'Cept my roommate, he's a geek, C'mon and get sunburned with me. I made a bunch of money on my co-op term, I've got heaps of cash I'm ready to blow, I know I ought to use it on my OSAP loans, But then I won't be able to go, MEN: Come on baby, can't you see? (Having a party, having a party...) What could be better than a week with me? Please, please baby, come with me, Or I'm stuck with Baywatch on TV. Have fun on reading week, Get away from Laurel Creek; C'mon and get sunburned with me Engineering students just get two days off, And that makes them really displeased. What they don't know is that it's for their own good, Since they'd prob'ly get a social disease. WOMEN: Let's take a trip down to Miami, (Having a party, having a party...) Where the weather is hot, and we can waterski, Just don't bring the guys down from Waterloo, 'Cause there's better mannered monkeys in the zoo. I just don't want to stay, Failed my midterms anyway, C'mon and get sunburned with me When I was still a Frosh I worked through reading week, But I only learned that books were a bore, Now I steal my parents car and I head down south, And I study all the girls on the shore. Now it's over, and we can't do FASS, But we still have time for one more blast, If I can't go, then that's okay, I'll tell my friends that I did anyway. No one reads on reading week, 'Cept My roommate, he's a geek, C'mon and get sunburned with me. C'mon and get sunburned with me. [ Top ] [ Index ]
Ambassador's Lament
(Yakko's Universe)You might think that the life of an ambassador's exciting, And it might be if I had something to do. But a Canadian appointment to a dinky place like this, Will never get me to the pages of "Who's Who". I guess I shouldn't whine, 'cause I'm better off than most. For what's a former Tory gal to do? But I still say it's the fault of Mulroney and his cronies I got fired in Election '92. So I play this silly chess game, and drink endless cups of tea To get me through this life I live alone. I lost the staff entirely in 1993, And in the last round of cuts they took the phone. Which is why I'm so delighted to see any other face, As the mirror always only shows my own. And I know they'll all be gone again by eight o'clock tomorrow, So I'll make this party truly overblown, I'll need lots of food, And of course some decorations, Since for once the guests Will not be hallucinations. Now I've got to get things started, Though I know they'll soon be parted We're going to have a party here tonight. The caterer's arriving with a huge tray of hors d'oeuvres I hired them from the country right next door. Please put them on the table with the punch bowl over there. We'll keep this region free for the dance floor. Could you help me with this streamer'? I'm a little bit too short, To hang it on the hook above this door. Oh, isn't this exciting, wish it happened every day. But I'm finding this whole country quite a bore. Now, I've got the food, And I've put up the decorations. I've played out the scene a thousand times In my imagination. Soon the guests will be arriving. Yes, my social life is thriving 'Cause there's going to be a party here tonight. [ Top ] [ Index ]
Stop It
(Waltz for Eva and Che)HUBERT: Stop it before you drown in self-pity. Before you abandon all hope. Forgive my impertinence, big brother. But how long do you plan to sit around and mope? Stop it before you descend into madness. Prince Hamlet tried that; now, he's dead. Look how you showed Chris you love her: First stalking, then walking, Seducing, but choosing two other girls to wed. PABLO: Stop it, you know that's not how it happened. Chris and I should be prince and princess, A joyful and happy occurrence, That somehow turned into this godawful mess. Stop it, it's time to climb down from your soapbox. So what if you truly love Beth. Just go sell your damned life insurance. Feel free to ignore that my love affair ended unhappily, A fate much more painful than death, BOTH: Listen, brother. Leave me alone, no more lectures. The way I live my life doesn't affect yours. HUBERT: Oh, don't be so shallow, And sit here and wallow In sorrow. You'd be remiss, If you don't go find Chris. Say you love her! Got it, brother? [ Top ] [ Index ]
Going Home
(Wannabe)CANADIANS: Yo! We'll tell you what we want, what we really, really want! PADUANS: So tell us what you want, what you really, really want! CANADIANS: We wanna go back home to U of Waterloo. We wanna work real hard, then drink a lotta brew. We wanna, we wanna, we wanna, we wanna, We wanna, really, really, really, wanna Zicke Zacke Hoi! Some folks found new lovers; some made new friends. Some followed old traditions; others started trends. Some face big changes to their lifestyle, But everyone has got a reason to smile. PADUANS: We'll tell you where to go, where we want ya all to go! So get aboard that plane to Ontari-ari-o. We want ya, we want ya, we want ya, we want ya, We really, really, really, want ya the Hell out o'here Can our beloved Pad-u-a ever be the same again, Once this Canadian madness fin'lly ends? Each of our two royal princes found himself a wife; Those two girls will change the face of Paduan life. ALL: If you take a look back, you'll see fate played a hand. Like cosmic romance writers had it all planned, While we're quite happy, with the tale they wrote. Can't help but feel that we are on the Love Boat. Yo! We'll tell you what we learned, what we really, really learned! If you play with fire, you are gonna get burned. We want a, we want a, we want a, we want a, We want a, really, really, really, want a fiery affair Love follows curves and rings, not along the shortest path. When one and one make two, that's not easy math And probability can't say if you stand a chance Cuz there's not a science to the art of romance If you wanna be a lover, You gotta, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta Pull yourself together (Love! Love! Love! Love!) Love and sex are more than just a song and dance. Gotta make yourself a master of romance. Find a guy or gal and take that scary chance. Go Oktoberfest and Zicke Zacke Hoi. Live happily ever after. [ Top ] [ Index ]